The onset of boredom corrodes sanity, and in turn leaves your mind vacant to delusions, leading gradually to brash actions and reckless thoughts...

Yeah ok, firstly, I'm just.. bored. Not that i don't have anything to do. I've yet to reject 2 uni offers (although it is really tempting to just accept all, but i can only be in 1 uni... sad... lol! nah... i'm just overly ambitious... accepting all? WTF.. i'm crazy!) I must really thank GOD that all 3 unis accepted me! i'm really so happy and SO SO GRATEFUL! Thank you Jesus!! =)

ok what was i talking about? right... that I'm so bored even though i have things to do... i just don't feel like doing it. It's like all of a sudden, i have no plan.... i'm just waiting to finish up my work (by this saturday), and although i'm thinking o writing cards to my colleagues, i seem to just be letting the boredom penetrate my mind and the only way to kind of block of the full penetration is to..

stalk.

YA! i know rite, i'm crazy! I've been trying to find a twitter/facebook page of... someone... that i met during one of my uni interviews.. (I KNOW SHAMELESS T.T) He was the admin staff there... like helping out with the undergraduate admissions... BUT he's only 2 years older.. he got offered the job after he came out of army since he'll be in the current Uni that he's working at when term starts.

It's like, i'm pretty sure, maybe about 70% sure, that he showed quite a keen interest in me that day... and i'm just.. interested... to know whether he really IS interested in me... or is it all uni guys just get excited over "Fresh meat". ah dang, if that's the case, that's just... sad. haha! even so! Why didn't he even try to find my on fb or sms me although he obviously knows my name and number?! (ok, i asked my guy frenz and they said that if he were to look at my contact details, which are supposed to be confidential, then that makes him really low) Still! It would be nice to at least feel like there's someone still attracted to me rite? i mean... I'm sorry but a little attention would be nice!!!!

So ya, since he hasnt smsed me/find me on fb or twitter (probably he too thinks it's low, i've been trying to maybe get a glimpse of him over the internet... but i only know his first name! so i have no idea how to go about identifying the correct one T.T

We kinda hit it off quite well that day when we were talking b4 my interview. He brought me to the waiting area and we started talking about totally random stuff... that's when i learnt he would be in the same academic year as me (cuz of NS) and that he was from the school of E... which is next to the school of soc (that i got accepted into!) Well, obviously on that day, i wouldn't know that i would definitely have a place in the school of soc, but ya... i thought we talked quite well. Talked for a good 15 mins or so b4 he had to check on the guy b4 me who was finishing up his interview. He kinda leaned against the wall and.. STARED AT ME... LIKE FULL ON! At that point i thought, ok... that's a little creepy... i'm wiggling my toes in my shoes and u go like "ahh, a sign of anxiety huh?" like whuuuut? lol

But i thought he was pretty cute tho. Much taller than my guy frenz (HAHA), broad, decent-looking, and i thought i felt a little bit of chemistry while we talked.... like, although it was a little wakward at first, I gradually became more comfortable with him... =)

Or maybe all SMU guys are just generally really forthcoming and are easy to talk to... i have no i-dea!! (experience from post clubbing.... my cousin's friend just started talking to me like he's known me for a long time lol!)

That's a plus.. really it is! =)

Anw, so back to the guy i was talking about. so ya, after my interview, he led me out of the hallway into the common corridor and bid me good luck! When i went out, i saw that there were a lot of people waiting outside! My question was... hey, how come he didn't ask the other people (mostly girls) to wait inside the hallway where the interview room was? In other words, why did he lead me in first and wait with me outside the interview room... but when it was my turn for my interview, he didn't call anyone else in?

WAS HE TARGETTING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! (cuz as a matter of fact, he called my name and asked me to follow him in 0.o )

.... ok the way i put it, it sounds pretty creepy... BUT TRUST ME! he's cute! ^^ haha!

oh gosh i cant believe i'm talking about some guy who i just met like in 1 day and hasnt contacted me...

LIKE I SAID!

Can i have some drama pls... it's kinda getting boring.. and i would like a little attention from him.. hehe.. kthnxbye..

HAHAHA!

ANW! i'm going into the same U as him anw... I swear my choice of school isn't soley based on this guy i met that day ok! i am NOT SHALLOW! I've long set my eyes on this Uni cuz of the intermingling of social sciences with economics which i like! and their general education allows me to take DANCE as a module! HOW COOL IS THAT! ^^ super EXCITE! =D

so anw.... when i start my freshmen year... maybe i would see him again... or maybe someone else would show a keen interest in me... and maybe i would respond too! (or not... depending on whether i feel there's any chemistry or i just feel that the guy can only be viewed as a friend!)

Yep! pretty exciting stuff! I'm pretty excited to start Uni and see what new experiences it would give me!

As for now, i can only continue to think about "what ifs" and "maybes" because i'm really not sure myself!! it's fun to think about these things sometimes, tho it can be quite frustrating! but its cool! =) who knows, maybe drama would find me when i least expect....

and that always happens...

lol!

I'm delusional. I don't proclaim out loud to the people around me that i am still upset that i got rejected flat out by someone whom i thought i really really liked... and well, i'm still bitter about it... but right now, maybe i'm just feeling a little sense of emptiness..

I see my friends with their partner, and i see that they really love each other.... and i just think to myself... i want that. No, i won't be upset around them... in fact, i'm really happy FOR them. They're my friends, and i've formed friendships with their partners as well. I'm totally open to them, and often enough, i go out with them.... well, quite a lot actually. Always the 3rd person... but it didnt rally bother me... cuz i'm friends with both parties.

But sometimes, i do feel lonely, i do feel like i want to be needed, want someone to be interested in me. Today, I was just having a chat with someone... and there goes my imagination, thinking that he might have a hint of interest in me... like whuuuut?? ok he keeps observing me, but maybe he just observes everyone! Right? Argh Whatever...

Ya, sue me. I like attention. I think those are my cheap thrills, knowing that someone is mildly interested in me... Ya, shoot me, i like to receive those kind of attention from guys ok...

I'm just searching, I want to feel empowered, like i have the ability to make guys turn their heads and look at me, even for a while... of course, it would be preferred if the guy is decent-looking... anything less, and they're just creeps.

Well, as far as i know, not a lot of people read my blog... and blogs aren't read as feverently as before... that's why i'm saying all these things... I don't care anymore... i may look desperate.... i'm not ok... i'm just... i just need someone to fill up this empty void. This void, which was created by false love, betrayal, regret, disrespect, and fickled-mindedness.

Hey, don't judge desperate people... now that i think about it, i kinda understand how they feel. of course, there are those who are truly sluts and just crave guys attention or go boy crazy, and there are those who have been hurt multiple times, and all they are craving for is just someone to prove how special they are...

I'm pretty independent, and i'm pretty confident in myself... i guess lately, i just need some reassurance. I want to experience chemistry with someone.